Want To Be Powerful (1)
What Anna thought before was, since there was no way to escape the fate of ‘doing it’, then she should exchange some benefits along the way. If Rothgarr refused, she wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.
And this idea was based on the fact that Rothgarr “liked” her. His so-called liking had a certain time limit and was not necessarily unique to just her. He could like her now and tolerate her in every possible way, and the next second he could like someone else and show no mercy to her.
She never thought that Rothgarr would sign a soul contract with her, so when it actually happened, she was stunned.
Do you see what stupid reason he gave? Did he think she would believe such an excuse?
Right now, Anna felt a little like crying, but at the same time, she also wanted to laugh a little.
In the end, she secretly pulled the blanket aside to cover herself.
She would have felt a little better if they were just using each other to get what they wanted. Now that Rothgarr suddenly signed a soul contract with her, she was caught off guard and forced to understand his true feelings, which meant that she couldn’t let things go on like this.
That wasn’t fair to Rothgarr.
But she was really not in the mood to talk about love at the moment. Knowing that Natalie died unjustly, how could she be able to cuddle up to Rothgarr?
Rothgarr saw Anna’s movement and knew that she had changed her mind.
He gently tugged on the blanket, and Anna, who was clutching it, fell down towards him with a cry of surprise. He hugged her under the quilt, and said with a cold face, “Go to sleep. From tomorrow, you will understand how big of a price to pay to become strong.”
…So, the price didn’t include her body?
Anna didn’t expect Rothgarr to let her go like this. She felt relieved for a while, but then felt like she owed him.
Rothgarr had never been a good person in her heart. At the beginning, their interactions were based on life and death, and then in the middle, they were back and forth for so long. She didn’t know when she fell in love with him. She never dared to let her feelings grow because she knew that demons would not fall in love with a human being.
Now, she finally knew that the demons could fall in love with humans, and that Rothgarr liked her, even loved her. She should have accepted this with joy, let go of her own suppression and responded to his feelings freely, but now she knew about Natalie’s death…
Maybe after Natalie’s matter was over, she could face him calmly.
In fact, Anna couldn’t fully clarify who should be the target of her revenge in Natalie’s death.
After all the calculations, it was her own fault that was the biggest.
If she didn’t make friends with her in the first place knowing that she was being watched by a demon, and didn’t let Natalie get involved in her mess, Natalie might have been forced to marry an old man, but at least she would still be alive.
Even if she still made friends with Natalie, if she hadn’t provoked Magnolia, maybe she wouldn’t have been targeted and sacrificed, and Natalie wouldn’t have died.
Or, if she didn’t take Abel in, and Abel just died somewhere, there would be no such thing as him suddenly turning into a demon and massacring everyone. Then, Rothgarr would have been enough to save her and Natalie from Magnolia’s family.
But in fact, it didn’t make sense to say this. People couldn’t predict the future. As social animals, it was impossible for people to exist alone without their social relationships. If she had made these choices, that person wouldn’t be her. Just because something bad happened doesn’t mean the decision was wrong.
There were many theories and reasons in Anna’s mind to justify herself, but reason could not overcome emotion at this time, and her reason clearly recognized this fact.
No matter how much she tried to convince herself, she still felt deeply guilty, coerced by the terrible “if only I had…” kind of hypotheticals.
There were so many “what ifs” in her head; if only one of them came true, Natalie wouldn’t have died.
But Natalie did die.
So, while she was acutely aware that she could not be blamed for this matter and that she was strictly a victim, she was overwhelmed by self-blame.
So, who else could she blame but herself?
It seemed like everyone played a big or small role in Natalie’s death.
If Natalie’s family hadn’t forced her to marry someone, Natalie wouldn’t have studied with her in order to pass the promotion assessment, which caused their relationship to gradually became close and eventually resulted in her being thrown into this mess.
If Rothgarr hadn’t set his sights on her and hadn’t courted her, she might not have come to Black Cloud City and get to know Natalie, let alone what happened afterwards.
If Magnolia hadn’t regarded her as an imaginary enemy, and hadn’t kidnapped her and Natalie, Natalie wouldn’t be at the scene where Abel turned into a demon.
If Abel didn’t come to Black Cloud City, and didn’t faint at her door, there would be no subsequent transformation and murder.
There were too many people to blame, many of which are actually unreasonable to blame. She understood the concept of correlation does not equal causation.
Even for Rothgarr, who deliberately concealed the news of Natalie’s death, she only initially vented her anger at first, but after she calmed down, she knew it was unnecessary.
But her guilt needed an outlet.
If she did nothing, she would feel sorry to Natalie and wouldn’t be able to move on.