Yu Zhou stood by the bed, feeling at a loss for words not knowing what to say for a while. In the meantime, Su Chang also kept her head lowered, her gaze fixed on her interlocked fingers.
Yu Zhou thought it would be better to go to the bathroom, she had held it for too long, feeling quite uneasy.
“Um, I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be back in a moment.” She learned her lesson this time, saying it in advance, a bit afraid of Su Chang pulling her again.
Su Chang looked up at her and then lowered her head again, intertwining her separated fingers once more, “Okay.”
A sense of relief washed over Yu Zhou, both physically and mentally. After emerging from the bathroom, she walked to the large floor-to-ceiling window, staring at the scattered lights outside while spacing out again. The well-trimmed shadows of the trees of varying heights looked like dark clouds in the night and the street lights were the stars in the clouds. Money is a good thing, even if the modern city has completely polluted the real nebula, it can still create more exquisite landscapes to deceive you, accumulating some nearly natural illusions.
Yu Zhou suddenly understood what was making her uncomfortable. As she said, she’s not a person who particularly cares about the gap in wealth. She’s never lacked for food or clothing since she was young. If she hadn’t met Su Chang, with her big-hearted nature, she might have had a hard time understanding what inferiority feels like.
So what she cares about, what she rejects, is not how much money the other person has. She doesn’t really like this neighborhood, doesn’t like the disdainful chain behind the eyes saying “you don’t belong here”, doesn’t like the feeling of being above others, and doesn’t like indifference.
In fact, wealthy people may not deliberately create classes. The nearly courtly levels they set up in the neighborhood are just to protect their privacy and property security. But such “protection” itself sends a signal to those who are excluded and waiting to be “received” – that is, I am more important than you.
But the Su Chang who was protected in this checkpoint, was so vividly sitting there, with more visible unease and loneliness than usual, as if to say – you are very important.
This contrast makes her dizzy, powerless and unable to resist.
Yu Zhou sorted out her thoughts before going to the bedroom. Su Chang was still sitting there leaning against the head of the bed with half of her hair tucked behind her ears. She held the cup of water on the bedside table in her left hand while staring at the warm water in a daze.
Seeing her come in, Su Chang withdrew her hand, waiting for Yu Zhou to sit down by the bed. Yu Zhou heard her say one thing: “I’m sorry.”
Not sure what she was apologizing for, it seemed like it was for the earlier offense.
Yu Zhou felt a bit sad. They had once shown their barest selves to each other, both physically and spiritually, but today, she had to apologize for kissing her.
The change in the distance between people is really cruel.
She let her hand hang down and put it next to Su Chang’s leg, “It’s okay, actually…” She bit her lower lip, a bit unable to continue. What should she say? Say I also responded, I also… couldn’t help myself.
She let out a breath but said nothing.
Su Chang looked at her, the girl in front of her had been with her since she was in her early twenties, innocently exploring and discovering themselves together, experiencing the first special shiver in life together, and entangling their sweaty necks and shoulders together.
She thought she knew Yu Zhou well enough, but today she found out that she didn’t.
Yu Zhou once told her that the definition of desire for women is not quite the same as for men. Women are more emotional creatures, and without the drive of love and liking, it’s hard to have the motivation to have sex with someone else.
This theory may not be correct, but at least it indicates that the Yu Zhou of the past thought this way.
But just now, the twenty-five-year-old Yu Zhou told her that she could deal with her desires, just desires, with Su Chang.
Su Chang felt that strange wet feeling in her nose come back again, a sign that tears were threatening to fall once more. She lowered her eyes again, blinking rapidly, making it dry.
This small movement did not escape Yu Zhou’s eyes. She looked at Su Chang’s hand again, the water stains were already very light, it wasn’t difficult for her to infer that Su Chang had recently sent her away and cried alone.
It was hard for her to imagine Su Chang crying because of her. It’s been almost a year since they broke up, and Su Chang didn’t cry then.
“I…” Yu Zhou wanted to speak.
Su Chang interrupted her, staring at the quilt as she asked softly, “In this past year, have you been with someone else?”
Su Chang’s lips moved, but she didn’t repeat herself.
“You mean, have I been alone this past year?” Yu Zhou’s voice was a bit hoarse, speaking very slowly, “I have been until Xiang Wan came.”
“No,” Su Chang’s breathing was a bit disordered as if she was thinking about how to start, “I mean…have you done such things with others before?”
To be infatuated with someone else, to indulge in someone else’s bed. It’s hard for her to guess how Yu Zhou could say “If you want, you can, but don’t affect the cooperation” so soberly at this time.
Her fingers trembled a little again when Su Chang crossed them and held them.
Yu Zhou’s ears turned a bit red: “No.”
“No?” Su Chang looked up at her.
Yu Zhou looked at the pattern of the quilt, stretched out her index finger and touched it from top to bottom, “No, I haven’t, how could I have.”
“Then you,” Su Chang had a bit of trouble continuing, her voice was very hoarse, “Then what were you thinking? Wanting me to be your…bed partner?”
Her heart seemed crushed as the last two words came out.
“No.” Yu Zhou quickly denied, looking up at her, “I didn’t mean that. I just wanted to say, didn’t you agree with me that we would talk about our own things after we cooperate? It’s not appropriate to do it now. I don’t like to sleep with people ambiguously, but if you want, at that time I…”
At that time, I also found it a bit hard to control myself.
If Su Chang wanted to, she could too, but she knew very well that if they did it now, their relationship might gradually drift apart.
Her ears were so red that they seemed to bleed, she felt ashamed but also sad.
She also felt a bit like crying.
Su Chang looked at Yu Zhou’s red ears, suddenly she stretched out her hand to pinch Yu Zhou’s earlobe.
“You also have something to say to me, right?” It’s no longer just me wanting to chase after you, wanting an answer.
Yu Zhou turned her head to look at Su Chang, her ears still carried the faint fragrance that lingered even after Su Chang let go.
Actually, she is a person who is particularly good at introspection. Even if she quarrels with people and someone has hurt her viciously, as long as the other party says sorry, she immediately begins to feel guilty and wants to say sorry twice.
When she broke up with Su Chang, she thought she had thought it through, but after they broke up, she realized that she didn’t understand the person she had been with for more than three years as much as she thought.
In the process of reconnecting through the audio drama recording this time, she learned a lot.
For example, staying up late is not just Su Chang’s habit, many people in their industry are used to starting work at noon, and in the quiet of the night when there is less environmental noise, emotions are more abundant and personal, they record some things at home.
And for example, she is not as superior on the internet as she thought she was, enjoying everyone’s attention and pursuit from beginning to end. No one can always stand at the top of public opinion and no one can guarantee that they will not be misunderstood and stigmatized.
Because she, Su Chang, Xiang Wan and Director Peng, they are all expressers.
She remembered once seeing a host on a show say, “Being misunderstood is the fate of expressers.”
This is their fate, the common fate of words and voices.
She suddenly understood why Su Chang didn’t want to make their relationship public. She could hardly imagine what would happen if one day their relationship was put on the forum for people to gossip about.
After all, Su Chang’s relationship with Director Peng was fake, her relationship with Xiang Wan was also fake, but Yu Zhou’s life with Su Chang was real.
It’s hard to withstand the gossip of outsiders.
Yu Zhou felt that, regardless of whether she and Su Chang still had a chance, there were some things she wanted to say to Su Chang. She didn’t expect to find absolute fairness in love, like when a couple parted ways, you had to be fair to me and me also had to be fair to you.
But she was willing to try to be a little more fair.
And, frankly, seeing Su Chang now, she was a little shaken.
Just a little.
Yu Zhou sighed, answering Su Chang’s question: “Yes.”
Su Chang pursed her lips as her eyes seemed to lighten a bit.
Then she would wait longer, just a little longer.
Having sat for a long time, her back was a bit uncomfortable, her hand hung by Yu Zhou’s thigh, lightly touched and asked her: “Can you stay tonight?”
Ah? Yu Zhou looked up alertly.
First at her fingers, then into her eyes.
Su Chang was a bit embarrassed, she cleared her throat before saying softly: “I have other rooms here.”
“Then, then why shouldn’t I leave?” Yu Zhou blinked, not understanding.
She just thought…ahem.
“I…” Su Chang thought for a moment and said slowly, “My stomach still feels a bit uncomfortable, I want to have the porridge you make tomorrow morning.”
Actually, she just can’t bear it, especially when someone is sick.
She wanted to say, she didn’t want to sit here and hear Yu Zhou close the door and leave. She wanted to send her, but her body felt very uncomfortable now, she couldn’t drive her home.
So she wanted her to stay, so she wanted to take an inch.
After hearing her words, Yu Zhou’s face darkened as she asked her seriously: “So, up to now, you still treat me as your nanny?”
Su Chang was stunned, looking at her and replied: “I don’t.”
Her voice was a bit weak, Yu Zhou looked at her, finding that her eyes were gradually reddening.
It was a very restrained and controlled red, but it still shocked Yu Zhou, my god, was this still Su Chang?
Su Chang gently sniffed as her expression calmed down, she exhaled and repeated softly: “I don’t. You stay, I can cook porridge too.”
“Then if you can cook porridge, why do you want me to stay here?” Yu Zhou was a bit speechless.
“I invite you to have porridge,” Su Chang pondered for a moment and said.
Yu Zhou laughed in disbelief: “Do I lack your porridge?”
“My name is Zhouzhou, I have plenty of porridge myself.“
With a slight breath, she heard Su Chang laugh.
She looked up at Su Chang, the joy in her eyes brought her pale face to life.
Yu Zhou was a bit dazed, feeling that she couldn’t stay any longer.
“You should go to sleep, I’m leaving.”
Su Chang wanted to say something but stopped. She knew that Yu Zhou was a person who couldn’t resist others’ requests. Now she was sick. If she held Yu Zhou’s hand and pulled it three more times, Yu Zhou would stay, move into the next room, but she would feel very conflicted and uncomfortable.
The next morning when she woke up, she might distance herself from Su Chang.
Tonight was already enough, she couldn’t push her away anymore.
So she said, “Okay, you call a cab first and leave when it arrives. Send me a message when you get home.”
“Okay, I’ll call a cab, you should lie down and sleep, don’t sit up waiting.”
“Good night.” Yu Zhou said in advance.
This time it was Yu Zhou who said good night first.Porridge is pronounced the same as Zhou in Chinese.